The Phantom Menace

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The Phantom Menace

Postby Mobility » Wed Dec 30, 2015 7:12 am

For anyone who wants to use it, this is a discussion forum for The Phantom Menace prequel rewrite script!

All the prequel rewrites can be found here: http://swiftbow.com/StarWars.html

I thought of structuring it this way: Things we like, Things we don't like and review of the episode.
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Re: The Phantom Menace

Postby Mobility » Wed Dec 30, 2015 2:33 pm

Episode I
Like
- Much better plot than the Original Episode I
- New role of the Trade Federation
- Include Dooku from the beginning
- Older Anakin
- Anakin and Padme are the same age
- No midichlorians
- Anakin has a father
- Jar-Jar does not exist
- Appearance of Tarkin

Dislike
- Qui-Gon’ role *(specified in Qui-Gon)
- Obi-Wan’s role, age and range *(specified in Obi-Wan)
- Anakin’s powers too exaggerated *(specified in Anakin)

Opinion of Episode I: I liked a lot Episode I, the only bad thing for me is what I said about Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon and Anakin. But otherwise it is pretty good. The plot is much better than the original, no midiclorians, no Jar-Jar, the role of the Trade Federation, Dooku's inclusion, etc. But for me I think that you have followed too much the original, including with Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon, at least in this episode they have met Anakin at the same time. But otherwise the plot flows very well, great movie.

*Obi-Wan: I think you've put him too young. In your Ep.I he’s 25, in Ep.II he’s 28 and in Ep.III he’s 31, if I'm not mistaken from Ep.III to Ep.IV pass 19 years, which would make Obi-Wan had 50 when he meets Luke, but in Ep.IV he appears to be 60 or be around them. That said, I think Obi-Wan should be in their early thirties in Episode I and Episode III to get to be 40 years old or be around them. In terms of range, I think that instead of being a Padawan should be a full Jedi Knight in Ep.I and his teacher was Yoda not Qui-Gon, as established in Ep.V. As for its role in Ep.I, in my opinion I think he should be the one who believes that Anakin is the Chosen One and must be trained.

*Qui-Gon: Including Qui-Gon is fine, but for me I would make a change in their role in Ep.I: The first is that it is not his master (Obi-Wan’s master was Yoda), but an old friend of Obi-Wan. Older and wiser, he’s not so sure as Obi-Wan that Anakin is the Chosen One and as the other masters he believes that Anakin shouldn’t be trained only at the end when he dies at the end of Ep.I he realizes that Anakin is the Chosen One and that Obi-Wan was right.

*Anakin: As for Anakin, I must say that the theme of Anakin starts to show Force powers is interesting, but I think it is an exaggeration that practically without dominion over the Force he can help Qui-Gon to prevent the cruise crash when they hit on Tatooine, and then when he was creating Artoo he is only able to lift a bit a tool. And later in the fight with Darth Maul, with just a little training he’s be able to kill a Sith who has defeated two Jedi. I understand that as Maul murderer his father, he should be the one who kill him, but I think if that situation had been given, Maul would have had no problem killing Anakin.

And that's it, this is my opinion of Episode I, in the following days I will put my opinion of Episode II. (You can answer if you want, SwiftBow ;) )
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Re: The Phantom Menace

Postby Swiftbow » Thu Feb 18, 2016 4:54 am

Your input on this one is very good, and rather in line with a lot of thoughts I've had on it since it was written.

We were really constrained (at the time) by trying to only change the movie "a little bit." You may notice that, to a large degree, at least until the end, this version follows most of the same action beats as the original. That was the primary reason that we didn't change Yoda to Obi-Wan's master, nor adjust Anakin's age TOO much.

I'm not particularly inclined to rewrite it AGAIN, though... at least not for awhile, lol. One thing of minimal effort that I think I may change, though, is the ages. Obi-Wan can certainly be a tad bit older, as can Anakin and Padme (probably 16 instead of 14, in their cases).

As far as Anakin's power, the intent was that it was far stronger than it should be in an untrained novice. But also that the actual amount he could wield was unpredictable and difficult for him to control. His problems are different than Luke's later on... he doesn't struggle with size so much as finesse. That's why slowing down a ship is easier for him than picking up a wrench. I think part of that struggle manifests throughout his character arc, and is part of his inability to realize the inherent danger of the Dark Side. Which is partly a result of the utility he finds in the Dark Side when he uses it to kill Darth Maul (and the only reason he wins that fight... it was something Maul was not expecting. Not to mention that Maul had lost his regular weapon at that point. He's not QUITE as deadly with a single lightsaber blade).
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Re: The Phantom Menace

Postby Mobility » Thu Feb 18, 2016 2:46 pm

I think it would be a good idea that you could change the ages (Obi-Wan: at least thirty Anakin and Padme: sixteen). In fact that's one thing I do not like the Episode III, specifically the age of Anakin in that episode (20), I think it should be a bit higher (22-23). Obviously, if you do it you will have to change the age in the next two episodes.
I had thought that way:
Obi-Wan (Ep.I: 30-32, Ep.II: 33-35, Ep.II: 37-39-40), Anakin (Ep.I: 16, Ep.II: 19, Ep.III: 22-23) and Padme (Ep.I: 16, Ep.II: 19, Ep.III: 22-23). You know, spending three years from Episode I to Episode II and from Episode II to Episode III four years or vice versa. Of course this is just an opinion, if you do it you have the last word.

The issue of rewriting the episode I would be a great idea, of course only if you want. Only to attempt that the plot is not so similar to the original. Obviously if you decide to do that, obviously you're the one who decides, but it would be nice if these things appear:
- Try that the plot not be so similar to the original Episode I.
- Remove the pod race.
- That Yoda was Obi-Wan's master.
- Obi-Wan is already a Jedi Knight, not a Padawan and he's the one who "discovers" Anakin and wants to train him.
- Show Alderaan.
And that's it. Of course I am not asking you to rewrite Episode I, I'm just giving you ideas if you choose to do it. But it would be nice to at least make the issue of the ages.

Thanks. ;)
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